The Shine Theory: “I don’t SHINE if you don’t SHINE!”

“Shine Theory” is an idea put forth by journalist Ann Friedman, inspired by her best friend, in her 2013 article for New York Magazine entitled, “Shine Theory: Why Powerful Women Make the Greatest Friends.” Ann’s theory posits that surrounding yourself with powerful, successful women doesn’t make you look worse in comparison, it makes you better. She states, “ I want the strongest, happiest, smartest women in my corner, pushing me to negotiate for more money, telling me to drop men who make me feel bad about myself, and responding to my outfit selfies from a place of love and stylishness, not competition and body-snarking.”

While Ann’s article focused mainly on career, nowhere in my life do I see shine theory exemplified more on a daily basis than at WLG. Now that I know about shine theory I can’t NOT see it in each and every class. It’s not just a haven for this practice, it’s the expectation. Our coaches voices are encouraging, pushing, teaching us to be better. Your partner is counting down with you. “One more.” “You’ve got this.” “We can do it.” Even during a 12 week challenge where there is one definitive winner, the entire process is centered around the support of your team and getting everyone to their personal best.

When one shines we all shine. In a recent session, a certain powerhouse in 6am did sit-ups and planks to the pace of my sprints and power pushbacks. It was the end of a really challenging workout and as I watched her be awesome and heard her encouraging me, I was able to find that tiny bit of energy I had left to finish as strong as I could. She was shining (as she always does) and so I did as well.

Look around the next time you’re in class and observe. Who is cheering everyone on? Who is trying something new? Who is pushing themselves? Who is coming to class for the first time, even though they’re nervous? WLG is generating some pretty bright light and we’re all shining as a result.

Author, Molly Malone, WLG Athlete 

Source: http://nymag.com/thecut/2013/05/shine-theory-how-to-stop-female-competition.html

Calm, kind, grateful. These aren’t always the first words that come to mind during a weight loss challenge. These aren’t usually even the first words that come to mind in our day to day lives. Unless you’re a yoga or meditation practitioner and take time each day to slow down, most of our lives are fast paced, stressful, and (many times) about getting what we want when we want it. The need for immediate gratification is so often a part of our culture that, when trying to lose weight and improve our health, it can breed frustration and disappointment when things aren’t easy or don’t happen right away.

            Calm. It may seem counterintuitive to a high intensity workout but stop and think: How do you approach a challenging workout or a long run? Is your head clear and focused or does your mind immediately start saying, “No, no, no, no” or “That’s too hard for me!”? Tackling a challenge with a clear, calm mind could make all the difference. Think about facing what seems like a million burpees (sometimes only a slight exaggeration : )). Saying to yourself, “This is horrible. This hurts. This is hard” won’t do anything but make them horrible, painful, and hard. If you can calm your mind enough to focus on ten at a time or five at a time it could become a much more manageable task. Once you’ve conquered it, you’ll know you can do it (or more) the next time.

            Kind. How do you speak to yourself during a workout and throughout the day? If you’re struggling in the gym that day do you get frustrated with yourself? We are often our own worst critics, bashing our best efforts and tearing ourselves down. What if, when something is difficult, we spoke to ourselves with kindness? What if, instead of getting discouraged when things feel challenging and we’re out of breath, we gave ourselves some acknowledgement for working so hard? This idea is even more important when it comes to food. Treat yourself with kindness if you overindulge or make a poor choice. Forgive yourself, move on, and make your next choice one that is kind to your body.

            Grateful. Have you ever gone running and marveled at the mechanics and intricacies that must come together perfectly to allow you to do so? From the neurons firing in your brain to the tiny muscles and ligaments of your feet, everything must work in synchronicity. How lucky are we that every piece is able to come together to allow our bodies to work as designed? If staying calm and being kind to yourself is difficult, finding ways to be grateful should be easier. For a healthy, functioning body, for the resources to buy healthy food and go to the gym, and for having time available in our lives that we’re able to dedicate to bettering ourselves and improving our health, we can be grateful.  

            How are you approaching this challenge? Is your mindset going to allow you to persevere throughout all 12 weeks, be resilient when faced with challenges and setbacks, and maintain and continue all you’ve worked for this fall? What words are characterizing your transformation? 

One of the best parts of WLG is the social aspect and accountability that comes with group training. We see many of the same people every week. If you’re not there, at least one person will undoubtedly ask, “Hey, where is she?!” We support each other, make each other laugh, and keep each other on track. The same sense of connection and responsibility that we feel with our WLG family also happens, perhaps even more so, when our partners (wives, husbands, girlfriends, boyfriends, etc.) share our commitment to living a healthy life.

            When a couple is genuinely committed to leading a life of health and wellness together, great things can happen. An article by Psychology Today (link below) reported that couples who worked out together enjoyed benefits including increased happiness within their relationship, improved efficiency of workouts, and more efficiently reaching fitness goals. The trust, honesty, and communication you strive for in your day to day lives can translate perfectly to the gym. Plus, you get the physical benefits of exercise along with the emotional benefits of spending some quality time together.

            Another article (link below) on a study out of England reported similar effects. Partners making healthy changes together saw improved outcomes. They were more likely to quit smoking, starting exercising, and lose weight. Success was more likely when they took on a challenge together.

Putting research aside, common sense tells us that having similar goals of staying or getting in shape, eating healthy, and generally living a healthy lifestyle can make things much easier. Think of meal times. If both people are excited to try clean, healthy recipes no one will be grumbling when you put out lettuce wraps instead of tortillas for your tacos (or you can grumble together). When your partner stays on track at a restaurant it makes it easier for you to as well. While, traveling or on vacation together you know someone will get up with you no matter what and squeeze in a workout. If both partners value health and taking care of themselves, money for gym memberships and good food can become a priority in how you budget your household income.

Even if you don’t workout together or only workout together occasionally, exercise can create common ground and an area where you can encourage and teach each other. Think of how exciting it is to bring your significant other to WLG for the first time just so they can try it. They’ve been hearing about how fabulous it is (or how sore you are) and you finally get to share something you’re incredibly proud of with the person you love the most.

All of this is not to say that you can’t or won’t make gains without your significant other on the same page. When it comes down to it, each individual needs to be driven and committed to health and wellness in order to make true change. It is an awesome bonus, however, when you and your partner can share a passion for working out, healthy eating, and overall wellness. 

Author, Molly Melvin 
WLG Athlete 

Sources
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/meet-catch-and-keep/201401/5-reasons-why-couples-who-sweat-together-stay-together

http://www.businessinsider.com/r-it-takes-two-getting-healthy-may-be-easier-with-a-partner-2015-1

The word “habit” is something we hear and see a lot in the fitness and health community. Healthy eating. Make it a habit! Going to the gym. Make it a habit! Do you eat when you’re bored? That’s a bad habit. Stop it!

Making healthy eating and exercise a habit is great advice and one we need to hear often. As many of us know, once these things become habit they can become a part of who we are. We just don’t feel right if we haven’t broken a sweat that day. It becomes easier to make healthier choices at restaurants or to stop when we’re full because it’s just what we do.

But what about a habit that can infiltrate our lives and minds at any time? It’s much less tangible than the above examples yet more pervasive. It’s also an accepted and ingrained part of our culture, especially among women. It’s the habit of negative self-talk.

What do you say to yourself when you look in the mirror? For many, it’s almost a reflex. We look in the mirror and tell ourselves, “You’re so fat” or “Look at my stomach! Uhg!” We might be struggling in the gym that day and here it comes, “I can’t do this” or “I suck today.” We overindulge or eat something we’ve deemed “bad” and think, “I messed up again!” or “I’m so gross. I can’t control myself.” We measure ourselves by the images we see in magazines or online and think, “If I looked like that then I’d be happy.” Even when someone compliments us, we often have a hard time just saying “thank you.” How many times have you had some version of this conversation: “You look good!” “Oh, no. I’ve got a lot of work to do.”

We frequently and consistently tear ourselves down, berate our best efforts, and criticize our appearance. Imagine a person saying the things outloud to you that you say to yourself! Is it any wonder that we have a hard time sticking to our goals and making the slow-but-steady progress that would truly make a difference in our lives? How can we stay motivated to make positive changes when the voice in our heads is thwarting our best efforts with negativity?

Try to take notice of how often you criticize yourself. When you hear that bad thought, at the very least, recognize that it’s the habit of negative self-talk rather than the truth. Maybe more difficult, but even better, counter it with something positive. For example, instead of “I shouldn’t have eaten that cookie. I ruined my eating for the day!” think, “Since I’ve had a treat today, the rest of my meals should be about nourishing my body and giving it what it needs.” Sure it sounds contrived and a little cheesy but until our thoughts are more consistently kind and positive, perhaps we need to be that deliberate and clear with ourselves.

In class, at the gym, or running it can be as simple as the non-verbal language we use. If you’re exhausted and struggling and there is more to do or farther to go, don’t shake your head. It says “no” to our coaches, it says “no” to your teammates, and it says “no” to yourself. Instead, force yourself to give a little nod or even a smile. “Yes,” it says, “Ok. Let’s do this.”

Possibly the hardest time to think positive during the 12-week challenge will be during weigh-ins. We’ve been working hard in class and making changes to our eating habits that sometimes feel excruciating. We all want to see a huge change. Negative self-talk rears it’s head during these times and goes on the warpath. “I’ve been trying so hard and I haven’t lost that much!” “I’ll never reach my goals.” Even worse, “Why am I even trying? I should just give up.” This is when we need to recognize and face this habit head on and with clear, rational brains. We didn’t get to the place we are overnight and things won’t change completely overnight, or in a week, or in a month. We’re making meaningful, healthy changes over a long period of time in the hope of improving our LIVES, not in the hope of improving only the next 12 weeks. If you have to make a physical list of all of the great things you’ve done and changes you’ve made, no matter how small, to make yourself believe, then do it. Don’t let negative self-talk con you into giving up this time.

Of course, these are just examples. There isn’t a simple solution or a perfect answer for everyone. The fall 12-week challenge, however, is a great time to make a conscious effort to change our habit of negative self-talk. When do you notice this habit impacting you? Are there tricks you have to stop it? Have you managed to think more positively and seen improvements? Along with clean eating and daily activity, let’s all decide that this is important enough to tackle together, as a team! 

Author, Molly Malone Melvin
WLG Athlete 

How does this picture make you feel?  Maybe it's just me, but I loathe all the posted tumbler style pictures of ripped girls with motivational quotes with their butt cheeks hanging out or their boobs in your face.  Sorry I don't.  I don't how seeing a body image that is unrealistic with some calorie deprived scantily clad sweaty girl in a sports bra and booty shorts with 12,000 (yes, I am exaggerating) ab muscles saying dumb things like "Suck It Up Today so you don't have to Suck It In Tomorrow".  I also get that those very same pictures do help some to keep going or make the decision to start that day.   It's all in personal preference.  

However I will say, there is something about this picture does not make me feel that BLEH feeling of irritation.   Why is that?  So I ponder.  Why does this picture motivate me to want to better myself.  Is she beautiful.  Yes.  But then again, so are the other girls.  Is she defined?  Yes, but then again so are the others.  Is she strong?  Visually she appears to be and due to her achievements know that she is. That I cannot tell from the others girl though they appear to be as well.  Now is she sexy? Ummm, hell yes.  Are the others?  To me..BLEH.  Well, that there is where I figure out the answer to my question.   

Sexiness to me is defined by the strength, discipline, and extreme mental focus.  It encompasses the personal belief that you are here to do something amazing, that your body is a tool to do great things.   Ronda Rousey screams "take no crap".  She screams fighter (literally).  She has endured hardships.  She has endured struggles.  She believes in herself 100%.  She has ego and can back it up.  She is the ultimate badass chick.  Deep down we all wish we had a little Ronda in us all.  

So now you know why I never personally post those kinds of photos to our website.  I choose to post pics of our very sexy beasts in class.  All shapes.  All sizes.  All fitness levels.  Grunting.  Sprinting.  Boxing. Lifting.  Jumping. Pushing 100%.  Putting themselves first.  Cursing. Hating it but loving it and being proud of their personal effort.  Using their bodies as instruments in bettering themselves - mentally and physically.  That to me is SEXY.   STRONG IS SEXY.  That is what motivates me.  A real woman.  With real struggles.  With a real life.  With real fears and apprehension.   To sum it up, when I need a little motivation - when I am exhausted, I take a look at this pic and ask myself "What would this girl do today to better herself?".   We all have our things right?  Fitness does not need to be defined by a picture - it's a feeling.  

So keep on moving and getting sweaty.  Lifting things up and putting them down.  Sexy is doing your best every damn day - day after day after day.  When you get in that headspace you can have it all!  Nothing can nor will stop you.  Now go kiss some arse!   xoxox  K

So, I see it all the time.  Two friends join a training program.  They are super GUNG HO - Thelma and Louise style - hand in hand with their water bottles and towels.  They come together ready to change their lives.  They run the warm up together.  They always pair up for drills.  They even stretch after class together.  All good right?  Yes... and well no.  But before you throw your hands up at the computer screen, hear me out.  First off, I am not going to tell you the buddy system is bad.  Whatever (and I meant whatever) it takes to persuade you to get off the couch, take action and start MOVING, is a great idea to me!  However, I do want you and your friend to sit down and make some personal goals that are separate from your each others.  More often than not, when Friend #1 decides maybe she is not ready to give 100% to his/her training program, then there is a 50/50 chance that Friend #2 will also.   

Now, how do you PREPARE and/or PREVENT for that?   Well here are few things to help you as you head out:

• Don't use your training time as social hour.  That means stay true to the desire to make this new routine YOUR habit, not just another chance to chit chat.  That's what phones and lunch dates are for.  This is your time to train.  To get better. To get in YOUR zone.  I am a firm believer that if you can talk, you are NOT working hard enough.  Ever.  If you not training hard enough you will not get results you want and therefore will lose interest.  But hey, I am not trying to be fun sponge and tell you not to socialize, just know when to do it and when you get your head in the game.  
• Don't hold back in your training sessions, even if your friend is not quite there yet. Remember we all have our own fitness paths and IT'S OKAY if they are not the same place at the same time.  Action is key and if YOU (whether you are Friend #1 or #2) are giving 100% then don't feel bad if you are pushing harder then them or vice verse at any given moment. We all have own personal glory moments when we accomplish something with didn't think we ever could.  Be proud of each other and give each other praise.  Fitness is a journey much more enjoyable with people who build each other up.
• Don't NOT go to your training session if they bail on you.  That right there is the beginning of the end.  If your sessions are for the comfort of someone else then they are NOT for you and you alone.  It has to be for you and only you.  It's your private time.  It's your chance to be selfish and do something that only you can benefit from.  Trust me friends occasionally flake out on certain days, just prepare to figure it out that evening alone.  #FIOBABY
• Do embrace being alone while you train.  I know most things are more enjoyable together.  Misery loves company.  It's so much easier to push when you have your friend there sucking wind with you, but never forget your "other" family.  Your Fit Family.  We are all there for the same purpose.  To get better.   To get moving.  To get sweating.  To feel great just do it again THE NEXT DAY.  So on that night where you go venture out alone, just get in there and go.  You will be amazed who you just might strike up a conversation with and learn a little more about.  That's how friendships are formed right?  Gotta start somewhere. 
• Do embrace that results from this new commitment will take time.   Be patient with yourself and go into your training session with a realistic idea of where you are RIGHT NOW. With habit you will be somewhere else sooner than if you did nothing.  Be kind to yourself and your friend.  You might be the one needing the pep talk or giving it, but nonetheless accept it.  The sooner you both do the sooner you will be much happier - together or alone - with the process. 
• Do accept the fact that your buddy might ditch training altogether.   Life is about choices.  If their choices is to go back to sitting around and bitching about starting a workout program, then you need to say "No dice!" and steady the course.  No one ever wants to START a program... you want to be IN A PROGRAM!   If your friend makes you feel bad about sticking with something long after the interest level has peaked, recognize it has more to do with where they are in life than you.  Don't get sucked into that.  We are all adults here. 
• Don't let your friends choices sabotage your personal goals.  Two of my favorite sayings are "You are what you eat" and "You cannot out train a bad diet".  Both so true.  As much as I love the concept that if you and your friend each the same crappy item at the exact same time then it doesn't count.  The same holds true if you don't feel bad about skipping YOUR training session because your friend did it as well.   That's the beginning of a slippery slope.

At the end of the day, remember life is too short to be anything but happy.  So if today is the day that you decide you are starting anew - than GREAT!  Pick up the phone.  Call a friend and go.  If your friend is busy - GO ANYWAY!   Never pass on that "feeling".  You can't buy that.  Once you start, you must keep going.  You never know who you will inspire.   Love all your faces. 

XOXOX, K